You wanna ask us what?!

Ok guys, Melrose was a repeat on Tuesday night, which we were very happy to hear. Amanda has been on the warpath since her return, and both of us have been doing our best to get out of her way, even so much as to borrow some of Kimberly's wigs to disguise ourselves! So because there's no recap this week, we thought we'd answer a few questions about our thoughts on Melrose Place 2.0.

Q:It's no secret that you are not big fans of Jonah and Vile-it, but that aside, which character could you really do without?

E: For me it's Auggie. I know 'A' thinks he's sex on legs, but aside from the fact that he's easy on the eyes, he's dull. So he works at spiffyShooters and had a bit of a drinking problem... Big deal. There's nothing to set him apart from the others except for the fact that he shagged Sydney. I'm really glad that they're writing him out of the show, because aside from possibly splitting up Jonah and Riley, he's been a colossal waste of space.

A: Definitely Daveyboy. The resident 'bad boy goes good for pretty young girl' is more that a bit of a yawn and feels very Jake-and-Alison or Jake-and-Sydney or Jake-and-Jo....you get the drift. He might have played better having been Jake's son (as was originally planned) but his presence leaves Doc Mancini without balls and I need my Doc Mancini with big balls. Plus he's as dumb as a box of hair. Sandra O runs into him on a boat full of hookers and she catches him out stealing, only for Ella to twig that Sandra O is in fact a hooker and was on said boat full of hookers with Daveyboy....I mean come on!

Q: After originally turning down the offer to come back, Heather Locklear finally stretched her face tight enough to feel comfortable appearing on television again. Do you think her come-back worth the hype?

A: Hell yeah! In all honesty, the episode was the best to date and that's saying a lot because Sydney wasn't even in it! There was no hesitation in Amanda's return...click click click of the heels and BAM! Out comes a torrent on one-liners that even made Alison's "You bleach blonde piece of dirt" speech seem tame! Amanda was and is 'Melrose Place' hell. One of the promotional posters from 1.0 was nothing but a close-up of Amanda's face with the words "Mondays are a Bitch" printed right in the middle. Should we have waited this long for her to return? Perhaps not. A lot of press focused in on Heather saving Melrose 1.0 and with her return at a pivotal time in 2.0's life-span took focus away from the return of Amanda and put it on Heather being able to save the show. Anyway, having Amanda back allows us to count how many episodes it takes before the black roots start to show!

E: Ugh. What are you talking about, A? Sure, Amanda's a fun watch, but it kind of belittles all the other actors and actresses who were on the original. Heather always got more credit than she was due. From her 'Special Guest Star' status for a ridiculous seven whole seasons, right through to the people who credited her with saving the original show, when people hear 'Melrose Place', they think Heather Locklear.

The original Melrose, however, was always a mediocre show with an exceptionally talented, yet hopelessly undervalued cast. It's hardly a coincidence that so many of its cast-members have worked solidly since appearing on the show, while other cult-TV actors have come and gone. If the new show's writers would just give the original cast members some decent scripts, then this would be must-see TV. I'd pay good money to see Laura Leighton have a quality on-screen meltdown and Daphne Zuniga go off the rails. They're incredible actresses. I mean, have the producers not seen Daphne Zuniga's Nip/Tuck episode? That was nothing short of phenomenal. And, on that note, with all the horrendous plastic surgery and Botox, it's not like Heather can really act anymore. It's mostly a delivery of her lines, and that might just as well be delivered on radio. The other actors, however, are in their mid-forties, look stunning, and could act the socks off of most well written scripts that would land on their laps. Why don't the powers that be realise this?

Q: Jane, Jo, Sydney, Michael and Amanda have all found their way back to the mother-ship that is Melrose Place. Which 1.0 character do you feel needs to come back home?

E: Two words: Alison Parker. Since the demise of Ally McBeal, Courtney Thorne-Smith has been stuck in shitty sitcom hell. It's time she got down with her bad-ass side again. Plus, her novel was remarkably readable. I'd almost be inclined to bring her on as a staff writer as well...

A: I was going to say Coop, you know, before I remembered he was a dead-horse character that was boring then and would be boring now, so I am gunning for Alison who should then bring Jake tagging along. Alison could replace the soon-to-be-AWOL Auggie as the drunk and disorderly resident, and her return could also include some kick-ass flashbacks with alcoholic Sydney, the two of them tearing up the town on a mother of a bender! Ahh I can see it now...hitting Vegas, crashing a Whitehouse party, being photographed getting out of a limo with no underwear on and partying it up with Paris and Britney....it'd be nothing but class with those two!

E: MILFs by day; drunken middle-aged party sluts by night. This show could kick Cougar Town's arse.

Q: The 'guess which T-shirt Jonah has on' game you play could almost be turned into an official drinking game. If you could dress Jonah in any t-shirt you wanted for one episode, what would it look like?

E:

A:

Q: The season opened with a shocking scene: Sydney Andrews face down in the apartment pool (I was hoping she spilled her Manhattan in there and didn't want to waste it) dead as dead can be. It was crushing to say the least. Who do you think did it?

A: I think we are all being blindly led into believing that it was Auggie or Daveyboy or one of the many young cubs that Sydney bedded, and I even read a post by another blogger who believes that the current and boring Mrs. Mancini might have done it (quite plausible) but I have my money on Vile-it. Why? Because it would be awesome if in fact, Vile-it was connected to the cult that kidnapped Sydney back in Melrose 1.0. When Sydney escaped, cult follower Rikki made it clear that they would be "Back to get her" and after discovering that Sydney was in fact, alive and well, the cult brain-wash a poor numb-nut Vile-it into believing Sydney is her mother and she was to be 'punished' for abandoning her. Hey this storyline would get Traci Lords back onto our screens!

E: I'd never even thought about the cult connection. That's genius!

I'm inclined to go with the theory that it's Michael's fembot wife, though. It's a fairly well thought out theory, and would certainly explain why the actress has agreed to appear on the show in what so far has been a thankless role. However, that would also imply that I have some faith in the writers of this show-- I honestly don't. Not really, anyway. They may originally have planned for Michael's wife to be the killer, but what with Ashlee proving herself to be such a shit-tastic actress, Sydney's killer has got to be Vile-it. And somehow, that makes everything twice as bad, because not only are we losing Sydney's awesome hotness, and Laura Leighton's under-rated genius, but we're losing her because of the worst acting to hit our screens since Paris Hilton decided to attempt a film career.

Q: Jane Andrews comes to town to claim ownership of the apartment complex. During her walk-about through Sydney's apartment, we discovered that Sydney owned a grand piano. You have talked about the possibility of Syd doing a 'Fabulous Baker Boys' impression, but in Melrose reality, Syd actually loved playing...

A: Oh Lady Gaga at the AMA's for sure! We all know crazy breeds crazy and it's quite evident that Syd and Gaga have enough crazy to fill an entire..well...crazy hospital! There would be no way Syd would be all Vanessa Carlton on that thing doing lovey dovey smooshey ballads. She'd be all coked up, slamming away on that thing making as much of a scene as possible though I presume Sydney would dress a bit more fashionable for such a performance..well, I guess it depends how coked up she is and if sister Jane can whip her up an outfit to wear!

E: We're obsessed with Lady Gaga and Jane's awful fashion designs here! My problem is that as soon as I combine Laura Leighton and a piano in a scene, I just think of her in Angels, Baby! and what a waste it is that we haven't seen her in a musical lately. So I'm going to say that Sydney likes herself some Stephen Sondheim: "I've run the gamut, A to Z, three cheers and dammit, C'est la vie. I got through all of last year, and I'm here..." Not because Sydney necessarily does, but I'd like to see her pull it off.

Q: Sydney found dead in the opening scene, the disappearance of new land lord Jane Andrews, Ella's choice in fashion designers, Jonah...all things that can be classed as disappointing. For you, the most disappointing thing this season is..

A: First and foremost, it's the complete and utter straightening of Caleb. While it took some time for bi-sexless Ella to get it on with that Sophie Ellis Bextor wannabe, Caleb is reduced to eye flirting with Anton V (gag) and talking about football. Hell even GayMatt from 1.0 managed to have a few sleep-overs with some menfolk! That aside, my true and utter disappointment so far is Vile-it. Well not so much Vile-it, but Ashlee Simpson as Vile-it. As 1.0 fans, we were treated to some awesome crazy thanks to the likes of Kimberly, Sydney and even Eve in season 7. The big question we wanted answered was who was going to be the new psycho in 2.0 and lo-and-behold it's Vile-it with her Auggie obsessed, Sydney is my mother, I'm going to blackmail Doc Mancini crazy which really fell short of the mark thanks to the acting provided. While I think the character is well written and had the possibility of hitting some decent marks, truth be told, Ashlee just wasn't able to cut it acting wise.

E: I'm totally with A on the straightening of the allegedly gay and bi characters. It is so disappointing that in 2009 networks are still running away from depicting gay, lesbian and bisexual characters as anything other than a tired cliche. Why? Are we really that boring and/or scary for the het majority? It's just pathetic. And on this show of all shows...

My biggest complaint, however, is the under utilisation of original cast-members when they have appeared, and the way that they have been written as two-dimensional, bitter, middle-aged men and women. Melrose Place has a very loyal fan-base that has continued long after the original show ended. Fans fondly remember the trashy brilliance that was seasons 2-5. I blame a lot of the initial success of Desperate Housewives on Melrose fans tuning in to see Marcia Cross and Doug Savant share a tv screen again. The producers of 2.0 have failed to capitalize on this and are now paying the ratings price. Pretty young wannabes who can't act their way out of a paper bag, and dull-as-dishwater plot lines don't make for must-see TV. Bringing back Heather, along with Daphne Zuniga, Laura Leighton, Josie Bissett and Thomas Calabro just shows up the young cast as pretty and untalented, and reminds fans of the original why, even at its most ridiculous, the original show was worth tuning in for. Failure to utilise that talent when the cast members do appear is nothing short of repeatedly shooting oneself in the foot.

There's alot coming up in the next few weeks that will give us much to talk about. From a flashback scene involving Sydney and Amanda to Sydney's killer being revealed and the farewell of Vile-it and Chef Auggie to a major 1.0 reunion episode involving Jane, Jo, Doc Mancini and Amanda! Keep watching this place!

Till Wednesday,

A&E

WATCHING EPISODE TEN...

Once again folks, sorry about the slight delay in posting. E found herself down with a hideous bug that not even a drinking session with Alison was going to fix. But now that the sneezing, aches and nose blows are down to minimum, we both have settled down with our Irish Coffees (thanks Alison for the recipe, btw) and it's time to recap!

E: DIVA MAGAZINE! Riley's rack is in a lesbian mag! I knew it! Jo shoots for dyke magazines!

A: Do lesbians like Rack?

E: For the record, this lesbian does not. This lesbian likes the photographer....and Sydney. I would happily bed either.

A: Good selections! Me...not so much for the rack. I'll take Caleb and Auggie..not too greedy I think!

E: dundundun...shoes...

A: Manolos?

E: Can't see red soles, so not Louboutins.

E: The Bitch is Back!

A: Good shoes, but bad skirt! Did someone put it through a paper shredder?

E: Bad skirt and bad plastic surgery!

A: Cripes! Her top lip isn't moving!

E: She's looking very Madam Tussauds...

A: All she's missing is an Asian tourist standing behind her working the peace sign with the fingers

E: I think we need to persuade Daphne Zuniga to give her a public service announcement on not fucking up your face.

A: "Anton V? More like Anton Y" Amanda, I just fell for you! She saw his doucheyness too!

E: Such a great line!

E: Sandra O is sharing her rack for a change.

A: She's trying to compete with... well...Rack!

A: Aww Davey boy bought her Macy Gray tickets.

E: Surely he'd be taking her to a Jay-Z gig? Or Amy Winehouse.. "They tried to make me go to rehab and I said no no no....not unless Sydney comes too."

A: Either way it's a dud date. He'd wait until you popped off to the toilet before stealing something out of your bag.

A: Ewww. A zipper dress?! Ella, you need to stop wearing the Jane Andrews oniginals!

E: I really want Amanda to pull Ella's zipper next time she gets pissed off.

A: Heather's frozen top lip is mesmerizing!

E: The capped teeth scare me.

A: So does her ultra-smooth cleavage!

E: Part of it is that they're filming her in soft focus. You only notice it when they cut between her and Ella. In spite of all their efforts, it still doesn't help her look any less scary.

A: The wardrobe department for this show must be reading our blog. Jonah's wearing a shirt. No slogan guessing for us.

E: Sadly yes, but have you seen the print of said shirt?

A: Barf.

E: Gay Matt would be embarrassed to be caught wearing that thing

A: Even back in the 1990's!

E: Wait-- if the W in WPK stands for Woodward, then does the P stand for Parker?

A: If it does stand for Parker, I'm sure they're repping numerous Vodka clients.

E: Absolut-ly!

E: Bikini rack time!

A: It's everywhere! Ok..Jonah makes Mojito's? He becomes less douchey when alcohol is involved.

E: Perhaps he's going to take over Vile-it's job at spiffyShooters?

A: Either way, Vile-it was never good with the drink making.

A: Speak of the devil....

E: I really wish they'd put her in Taylor Momsen style outfits for her last few episodes..that would be hilarious!

A: Hot outfits on a so-so character.

E: Let's see how many lame-ass movie titles they can fit into one Ashlee monologue...

E: "He's just not that into you"

A: "I Still know what you did last summer"

E: "You drive me crazy"

A: "Marley and me"

E: "Confessions of a shop-a-holic"

A: "She's all that"

E: "Knocked up"

A: Doing it this way means she'll remember her lines.

E: Nice launch party.

A: I'm liking Rack's dress.

E: But am I really supposed to believe that she wouldn't be wearing jeans to a jeans launch party? That's stupid. She should be wearing jeans and a sparkly top.

A: Apparently the launch party is for Rack and not "Real Jeans for real people by Anton Y"

E: Ok. Let's take a moment to discuss Jonah's plaid jacket.

A: And bow tie...he just earned his doucheyness back.

E: Davey boy is busting into Michael's Merc.

A: "Can you see what I see?"

E: Michael plays golf?

A: Nah that was left to Peter..he used the clubs as a cover while he was banging Sydney.

E: Ok Sydney in THAT top! I want that top sooo badly (Someone identify the designer please)!

A: I love how a 2 second flashback of Sydney shows that she really is so much hotter than the rest of the cast.

E: I think it showed Heather how a real lady can look at 40.

E: Bahahahaha! Sandra O looks totally baked!

A: She's got that 'Geeky best friend of a hot supermodel' look going on.

E: Apparently that get-up took her 5 hours...

A: 5 Hours?! So 4 hours of smokey time, 30 minutes munchies and 30 minutes in front of the mirror tripping out!

E: Hey! Our first token Brit Chick!

A: Lassie is channeling Liz Hurley and Sophie Ellis Bextor.

E: "Murder on the dance floor... you better not break the groove deejay..."
Cue lez-ploitation...

A: Yay!!! Ella got her penis back!

E: Why has it taken 10 episodes for Ella to get her dyke on?

A: And in a room with a wine rack wall? Class.

E: Aww Davey boy is cute!

A: Boy has waaaay to much free time.

E: He painted each one of those leaves by hand.

A: Well the thought is cute, but that shit is gonna be a bitch to clean up!

E: "Wait, did you break into my apartment?" Took a bit for the penny to drop.

A: So she's not so much with the "Hooker P.I" anymore.

E: Nah she's off duty.

A: So that's how guys get chicks...break in to their apartment, re-decorate and make a mess.

E: Yup, it's just that easy in 'het-world', apparently.

A: Aww Rack thinks Auggie slashed Sydney. She's totally un-friending him on Facebook now.

E: He's turning to drink. He needs it to sit through another scene with Vile-it.

A: He's the male Alison!

E: Auggie is Keith. He's gonna move to Seattle and whack himself over the phone to Riley and then Jonah's gonna go investigate and make a documentary about it, and be all 'raaaah! I will throw you off the scaffolding in my plaid suit jacket!

A: That'd be a cool docu!

E: I heart Ella's necklace!

A: Kinda Dykey.

E: Fuck yeah!

E: I wonder if Amanda's appearance was last minute? I'm missing her black roots.

A: Give it an episode! Was Amanda this vicious in the original?

E: Hell yeah!

A: So Ella is Amanda's Alison.

E: I think the writers originally wanted to pitch Ella as Amanda, but she wasn't up for the task so this way they've brought back Amanda and are letting Ella fill the Alison role.

E: Rack got fired from teaching.

A: Ooh total dundundun moment! Amanda totally called the school!

E: Guess she's gotta be a full-time model now. Cue Models Inc. Spin-off.

A: Better give Linda Evans enough time with Heather's plastic surgeon!

E: LMAO! Wait...we're missing Jonah's T-shirt with all this spin-off excitement!

A: What does it say?!

E: "Same shirt, different day...."

A: Oh. Yawn.

A: Someone trashed Syd's place...broken photo...

E: Amanda wants Syd's piano. She wants to know if she can out-do Syd's The Fabulous Baker Boys' impression.

A: Oooh wall safe?! In Syd's place?!

A: All that's inside is a note?!

E: "You will never find it." FUCKING A! best moment!!!!!

A: Wait! What will Amanda never find?!

E: Kimberly's wig? Amanda and Peter's 'home movies'?

A: Taylor's lips? Amanda is almost there you know!

E: Duuude! Whatever Syd has, it's in the missing basement! We were so right!

A: Well, we did say the basement would show up!

And that's all for now. Until next week...

Much love,

A&E

WATCHING EPISODE NINE...

Guh...we do apologize about the lateness of this recap, but since we got wind that Amanda was heading back to town, we have been in a flurry making sure everything was in it's place for her return. Alison and her vodka have been boxed away under the stairs, Peter is hidden safely in the missing basement and Jane is still in her walk-in wardrobe trying to find her way out....so now that everything is in place, it's time to bitch!

E: I'm already bored by last week's preview.

A: Well except for the Sydney snipets.

E: Speaking of Melrose alums...Is Jo planning on coming back?

A: I haven't heard. I'm still on the 'Jo seducing Ella' storyline we came up with a while ago.

E: BTW, I'm well impressed that you managed to watch this epsiode earlier all by yourself.

A: I almost died doing it.

E: We should probably recap huh?

A: Errm, guess so...

A: So why are hot guys paying Sandra O for sex?

E: Kimber is trying to shield Sandra O from the reality of hookering.

A: Start her off with the Chace Crawfords and Robert Pattinsons and slowly move her down to the Mikey Rourkes and Steve Buscemis.

E: Oh we're in Pink scrubs now?

A: Yeah the pink makes her feel less whorey.

E: I really wish she'd wear teadybear scrubs like Zoey on Nurse Jackie.

A: Throw in the addiction to pills and we got ourselves a show!

A: Why does Jonah's T-shirt say "Life Coach?"

E: Hahahahahahahahaha! Yeah right!

A: Jonah you ain't Ava from Nip/Tuck...now that was a lifecoach!

E: If he had a sex change this might be more interesting though.

A: He/she would still be a douche!

***

E: "What would a boy do without his balls?" Ella is most classy here.

A: Making homos seem hetero...so not cool...though his pink wallpaper on his monitor is somewhat camp.

E: Indeed.

A: So this episode's hot young star is a German director?

E: I'd pay to hear Ella speak German!

A: Oh just wait! You'll be paying up! :)

***

A: Guh...now we are being made to work out what Jonah's T-shirt says in this scene.

E: I can't see enough of it. Anyways, I'm hoping that Riley lands in the can. A lesbian spin-off of her in prison might be somewhat watchable.

A: And Syd's old cellmate Bertha can make regular appearances!

A: "AFRIDERZANE" Ella + German = FAIL

E: OMG. He's meeting Michael Haneke!

A: Jonah is sooo Dawson Leery - minus the Steven Spielberg and the Creek.

E: I really hope they discuss Isabelle Huppert in La Pianiste.

A: This is Los Angeles, and it's Ella and Jonah. We'd be lucky to get something starring Isabella Rossellini.

A: "Dunka Shayne" gawwd Ella...at least attempt to speak German correctly!

E: LOLLLL. Das Lied. Iiiiih! Was fuer ein Arschloch.

A: Ok you need to stop! You're making me feel like Ella! Next thing I know i'll be saying "AFRIDERZANE"

E: Die gehen gleich ins Hotelzimmer.

A: "AFRIDERZANE!"

A: So David believes he is Amelia Earhart in this scarf yes?

E: Apropos of nothing, riding a Ferris wheel stoned is awesome!

A: Class.

A: We NEED to talk about the color of this dress on Ella. It's sort of Lime-Caca-Mustard.

E: Her bag is kind of cool.

A: It's being used to distract from the dress color.

E: I do like the cut of the dress though. Would look amazing in black.

A: Jane Andrews is always one step with her designs.

E: Alas.

A: Geez, Ella is not subtle! "You and me...yes! You and Rack..yawwwn".

E: We could see this coming from episode 1, yes? It follows the Biwwy/Alison Biwwy/Amanda formula.

A: Yeah, though Amanda just used her office while Ella is trying to book some hotel down the street.

A: Rack is AIMING

E: Riley's laptop is pink!

A: She needs to do a Karen Walker and type with her boobs.

E: And also drink vodka before 10am

A: And in a bathrobe

E: I think we need to give them new IM names

A: Riles17...the size of her rack yes?

E: Riles34DD.

E: Michael!! Syd needs to be alive. And shagging you.

A: Thats why he's gone soft on Davey boy.

E: Dear me. Now I'm even bored of this scene.

A: David is stunned by the lameness

E:I fell asleep.

A: You didn't miss much

E: David wants to get in Sandra O's pants.

A: It's gonna cost him.

E: Wonder how much she's gonna charge him?

A: I wonder how much Kimber takes?

E: 20% cut

A: See i was gonna say 15% house rules. Wow you'd be a richer pimp than me!

E: No. definitely 20%.

A: My whores would be less classy too.

E: I have like five cars on Mafia Wars!

A: I let my farm die on Farmville

E: You know this show is screwed when discussing facebook games is more interesting than two characters getting it on...

A: Yeah I just kinda noticed Sandra O and Davey smooching.

E: Thank God that's over..there wasn't even a 'Vile-it' mention! Well at least on Wednesday, if all else fails, I can spend the 45 minutes lamenting Heather Locklear's plastic surgery FAILs.

A: Omg totally!

E: She looked freaky on Conan...yuck.

A: One season on Melrose later she'd be looking all Jocelyn Wildenstein.

E: Or Joan Collins

A: Dear god.

Ah well...Till Wednesday

Love

A&E

Deja-Screw

The way the powers that be are advertising Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place, you'd think that every episode since 2.0's beginning was just foreplay....

And yes yes. We have missed Amanda, but we're also missing decent scenes between Sydney and Michael. And what's the point of bringing Amanda back without Alison or Billy or GayMatt, or Megan or many, many others? We know Peter's going to show up again, so at least there's that. But really. Courtney Thorne Smith's been on a shit-tastic show for seven years; it's not like she's choosey. Get her on board!

Because seriously, if we have to sit through one more episode about how bored Jonah's penis is of Riley's rack then we're going to rip off our collective wigs.

WATCHING EPISODE EIGHT...

Ok guys, time for another recap! With Melrose on hiatus last week, we started to feel a bit lost (just like gay Matt's sex-life) and we found ourselves downing shots and causing havoc at Shooters until Jake called the cops on us. So with that behind us, it's time to bitch!

A: Oh oh, Dayglow teeth is back to illuminate our screen!

E: Jonah and his penis are trying to flirt with her Dayglow teeth

A: I'm confused...it's like she can't get enough

E: Vomit

A: Yeah right on her Dayglow teeth.

A: Another outfit that has been attacked by scissors! Jane Andrews is way off in believing this 'cut-out' look is in this season.

E: She does, however, have killer legs. I'm guessing it's all that street walking she does.

A: Look! She's fake interested.

E: I'm fake interested...in fact no, I'm not interested, at all.

A: Sorry what? I was hypnotized by her teeth.

E: "on a scale of one to total tool, where do I fall?" Fairly safely on the tool end, Jonah

A: I like how she took our advice and lost the Tina Fey glasses.

****

E: Um.... was Heather Locklear in the credits?

A: Not sure, I was blinded by the Dayglow teeth.

E: Cause I just saw "special guest star Laura Leighton'

A: Think it's not for a few more weeks.

E: But I want to see what they put for Heather "extra special guest star?"

A: "Returning for lots a cash extra special guest star"

A: Yay! Syd flashback!

E: Finally!

A: I love how she is totally cougar-stalking younger men in the graveyard!

E: HOOOOTTTTTTT!

A: Aww Jane and Syd's dad died.

E: R.I.P Mr. Andrews

A: That was very be-fitting.

A: Oooh Syd n David sex!

E: Oh how I wish this was HBO.

A: Oh that was short-lived. Ok not so much with the sex.

E: I feel totally cheated now.

A: We're left with a satisfied looking Syd though.

E: And now we're looking at a dissatisfied Jonah...

A: Does Jonahs T say "I have Seagulls"?

E: Seaglass?

A: semen?

E: Sea-men...it's the CW, gotta keep it clean! Wait, it says "I Hate Seagulls!"

A: Oh...how...um..boring.

E: See, I really like "the seagull"

E: Ahhh another Jane Andrews original on Ella.

A: This is from the new winter collection I think.

E: Short jacket, long wide pants...Jane Jane Jane.

A: God, another ex-basketballer trying to act.

E: Look at Ashlee behind him...pick who's worse!

E: So Ella wants Sandra O to forge some medical documents?

A: Total Gay Matt and Michael Melrose 1.0 Shoutback!

E: Though Ella doesn't have any dirt on Sandra O yet, to make her do it.

A: I'm sure she'll know she's a whore sooner or later!

A: Another Sydney scene!

E: Dear god. Total hotness of an outfit.

A: Jane Andrews definatley did NOT design that one!

E: David seems mega pissed that Syd was sleeping with his dad.

A: Yeah I think she said something along the lines of "That's not how your dad did it"

E: Ego-punch!

A: Rack and Jonah are talking about their most played on their Ipod..."Hot hot hot" and "Unchained Melody"?

E: I vote "Don't stop Believing" and "Like a Virgin"

A: I'm edging more 90's like Alanis Morrsiette and Garbage.

E: Sex addiction...Is it real? Did you see that ad pop up?

A: Yeah I'm tempted to ask David Duchovny about that.

E: Or Michael Mancini.

E: Excellent timing Jonah. You're at a wedding and you let it slip to your fiancee that you kissed someone else.

A: It's like "Hey babes...great wedding huh? By the way, I totally pashed another bird last night"

E: He's trying to make himself feel better by clearing his conscience. He's a real man.

A: Actually, I think he's bragging..bragging that there's another girl out there that wanted to kiss him.

E: Fuck.

A: Fuck

E: Syd has to be alive.

A: Shit, that can't be her blood ALL OVER him and that knife!

E: We have such high hopes for Syd.

E: Riley and her rack are concerned.

A: Of course they are. It's their first scene with Vile-it in quite some time.

E: Do you need a cold shower?

A: Tempted, but Auggie's toplessness is forcing me to sit it out. DROOL.

E: NO!

A: No no no!

E: She's not under that headstone!

A: Syd is alive dammit! If she's not, i'm loosing interest.

E: If we weren't recapping, I'd be fast forwarding.

A: Right...must go on! Oooh the portable bathroom!

E: It is quite mesmerizing, isn't it. Especially with the peach shower curtain.

A: The pastel color is calming.

E: Remember Alison's moon and stars bathrobe?

A: The blue and yellow one?

E: Yeah. That would make a great shower curtain.

END.

E: Is it wrong that I'm glad it's over? This one had about 5 minutes I actually enjoyed...all of them featuring Syd.

A: You know, even with the bloody body in the pool, the knife, the blood, the CSI style evidence board and the tombstone, I still hold faith that Syd is alive.

E: If she's not, why the fuck would anyone watch? I mean, Jane is supposedly the landlord, but we haven't seen her...

A: That darn walk-in wardrobe. She'll find her way out one day!

E: Jo is suuuuper interesting (and hot) and could make for really interesting storylines

A: Yeah she could hook up with Bi-sexless Ella. Jo could totally dominate her!

E: This I could get on board with.

...and that's all for now. Until next week...

Much Love,

A&E