the cemetery club II

Everyone's favourite redhead is back this Tuesday, sporting the grave-yard classics of little black dress, stilettos and shades, proving once again that the costume designers love the original cast members and hate Ella.

Is that vaseline on the lense?

Ok, so we are both yet to sit down and talk about the news that Vile-it and Auggie will be leaving the show shortly (With vile-it gone, who are we gonna diss besides Jonah?!) a little twinkle has flown our way from the CW that looks set to give us MUCH to talk about!

WATCHING EPISODE SEVEN....

Ok guys here we are, right on time for episode seven! The wigs are on, the vodka is in the ice bucket and the pool boy is...well, he's cleaning the pool.

A: Holy MEGA rack!

A: Wait....is 'Le Rack' unsuported? It's quite low today. Perhaps it is sad?

E: Jonah has aquired a British accent. He sounds even more of a douche.

A: That's what his T-shirt says this week.

E: Jonah's wearing mountains on his T-shirt in preperation for his meeting with Paramount. He's thinking the design will score him the job.

A: How subtle.

E: How....pathetic.

E: Oooh photoshoot time!

A: Gawd, someone is dressed for high tea with Strawberry Shortcake.

E: Yikes! Annie Hall threw up on her head!

E: How many different colour scrubs does Sandra O own?

A: Apparently eggplant is the new blue in scrubs.

E: Looks more pinky to me.

A: BTW - why is she wearing long jonhs under her scrubs? It's L.A for crying out loud. Poor gal must be swealtering!

E: Aside from that fact, I don't know any doctors who walk home in thier medical scrubs.

A: She's showing off.

E: Jooooooooooooo!

A: Joooooooooo!

E: I want to marry her....like instantly.

A: She's totally eye-fucking the rack.

A: "Ok, now turn left.." Jo is not so much with the posing directions.

E: She never was.

A: True, she's used to shooting passed out bums down on Melrose Avenue.

E: She looks great though.

A: Natural.

A: Someone should tell Jonah never to trust a man wearing purple...purple socks that is.

A: Seriously, whoever dresses Ella needs to be shot. I mean, the outfit is just horrible! It's a Jane Andrews original yes?

E: Well if you count one of her rejects as 'original' then....yes.

E: $10 says Jonah will end up banging her.

A: Holy massive shoulders! Man alive, I'm just going to assume that all the bad outfits are Jane Andrews one-offs.

A: Wait... Jo convinced her to get the rack out to breathe?!

E: Yup.

A: RACK! Side rack! hehehehe.

E: She did it! Jo got the shot! Riley just got interesting...you know, for a millisecond.

A: Oooh Angry rack.

E: Mostly I want to know why Jo's so pissed at the wannabe models....

A: Sydney is pissed, Jane is pissed, Jo is pissed, something is pissing off the Melrose originals.

E: I think that happened when they decided to cast Ashlee as spawn of Syd.

E: Dear God.

A: Her glasses annoy me.

E: They really don't suit her.

A: Total Tina Fey fail.

E: I just threw up in my mouth a little.

E: Is this Jo's house? Oh balls, David is stealing from it. I really wanted it to be Jo's.

A: Ooh Sandra O totally busted him! "Hooker P.I. airing Tuesdays on FOX"

E: Hooker P.I. and the case of the missing trousers.

E: We need more Jo. Where is she?

A: Classy Jo!

E: Hawt! Wait-- where have her dykey boots gone?

A: She got too much sand in them. Annoyed her.

A: I like douchey when he's dissin' Vile-it.

E: He's confused. 1+1=?

A: Blue?

A: Pimp calling Sandra O

E: Kimberrrrrrrr!

A: Errrrrm, sorry it's Wendi with an 'I'

E: Perhaps Sandra O is dyslexic?

A: Remind me never to get her to give me a physical then.

E: Ashlee is having fun playing with IKEA.

A: Vile-it is playing house...with all her...umm...friends.

E: More Jo! Be still my heart. They should play that Friendly Fires song: "Jump in the.. Jump in the POOL!"

A: She's back! Back at the mothership.

E: Mention Jake. She needs to mention Jake dammit.

A: Jonah is still with the shoulders.

E: And her day-glow teeth.

A: Sunglasses anyone?

E: Siiiiiigggghh. Over.

A: One episode with no Syd = Fail. Two episodes with no Syd = Epic Fail

E: But have you noticed how the original cast members always get great clothes? Except for Jane of course.

A: But that's in character.

... and that's all for now. Until next week...

much love,

A&E.

WATCHING EPISODE SIX

Okay guys... we are both so very sorry about the delay in getting this out, but sadly A has been horribly sick and went to spend some time at the beach house with Kimberly till it passed. Needless to say Kimberly was very much the hostess with the mostess, wigs and all!

So here we go!

A: Before it begins, I need to state that I will now be referring to Violet as 'Vile-it'

E: I approve

A: So does the rest of the Melrose cast.

E: Starting an episode with Ashlee is like giving the viewer a disclaimer..."No good acting here if you were wondering, please move along".

A: Skip to a scene with Sydney!

E: Skip to a scene with.....anyone!

E: Oooh Michael is doctoring

A: Cue 'Grey's Anatomy' speak and ER Flashyness

E: Kimberly was totally better at the doctoring

E: Remember when TV doctors had pagers?

A: Oh that's very 1998...we're in 2009 now!

E: Yet more proof that Jonah sucks ass. I mean this is supposed to be an advert for high fashion, not an internet advert for vibrators.

A: My biggest issue with this is that I want to smack that bad boy mustache off Antons lip.

E: Jonah said 'bad' instead of 'sick' or 'ill'.

A: He must be....sick! hehehe

E: His vocabulary diversifies!

A: Gawd, whats with all the looser hats in this show?

E: It's a homage to Jessica Simpson.

A: Epic fail.

E: OMG that's a vile dress.
A: I liked it... you know 'till it turned around and the rope-back revealed itself.

A: I think Anton's 'real denim' range is aiming for a Wal-Mart clientelle.

E: H&M at best

A: It's just occured to me that Anton is channeling Ethan Hawke circa 1995

E: He reminds me more of Steve Coogan

A: Barf

E: Ok, why did Syd never hooker on a boat?

A: Her pimp had only middle-aged low income workers as clients.

E: These whores are very fashionable.

A: Too bad it was torn denim, fishnets and perms when Syd was doing it.

A: Aww man love flirting.

E: Gay Matt wants in.

A: They are talking basketball...or tennisball...some sport with balls... so lame making them talk hetero.

E: "I've been selling real denim using fake people." That would NEVER happen at D&D.

A: Totally. Alison would have been all over that shit.

E: Perhaps that's what is wrong. They need vodka.

A: And shoulder padded power suits.

E: Woah...Michel has been watching too much Nip/Tuck. He thinks he can pull a Christian in the bar.

A: I guess all he needs to do is say "Hey baby, I'm a doctor!"

E: What the eff is Riley wearing?

A: I'm guessing the kids took to her dress with scissors when they ran out of paint. And speaking of fashion...almost halfway through the ep and Ella is STILL in the same dress!

E: The producers are saving up enough money to bring back more 1.0 cast members.

A: Sadly, at the moment, all they can afford is Lexi.

E: They have used this boat in something else....it's really bothering me.

A: Speed 2. They replaced Sandra Bullock with Sandra O.

E: Poor Sandra O can't cope with the hooker stress. Feeble!!!! Syd would have totally flaunted it.

A: Big time! Bad Whore! BAD WHORE!

E: Hookerfail!

A: This is such an OMFG moment!

E: heeeeeeeee!

A: I totally squeed!

E: This is still not as good as when Michael fucked Kimberly in the back of his blue Saab.

A: Yeah I thought it was missing Michael ripping off her top.

A: My those are some PINK shorts!

E: Riley's rack has been raiding the sale aisle at American Apparel.

A: Riley's sweaty rack has been listening to Hootie and the Blowfish on the iPod!

E: rackPodding.

E: What do we think Jonah's hidden T-Shirt says?

A: 'I'm with Stupid' where the arrow is pointing up.

E: I vote "Battlefield Earth & Gigli & Basic Instint 2"

A: Woah...I think I just went straight for Riley!

E: Did the sheepskin do it?

A: I thought she had Falcor from Never Ending Story around her neck.

E: See, my lesbian self isn't feeling anything.....except boredom.

E: Kimber is NOT amused.

A: Hell no! Her whore went AWOL during a 'mission'

E: She has an awesome convertable and big costume jewellrey

A: Must pay good to have whores who do their job!

A: Oooh Vile-it is being all cray cray

E: dundundun psycho!

A: How cool would it be to find out that Michael banged Syd when she was in college...

E: God I hope so!

E: Overall thoughts?

A: So Sydney slept with Michael, then with his son David, then Michael sleeps with Sydney's daughter Vile-it?! A twist I can jump on!

...and that's all for now. Until tomorrow....

Much Love

A&E

We bitch: someone listens.

So, we're just going to assume that someone heard our complaints and supplied us with a clip. If someone didn't, we're not excessively bothered either, because we got our way regardlessly.

Jo Reynolds does Annie Liebovitz:

We'd like to give huge props to Daphne Zuniga for resisting the plastic fantastic trend on American Television. She's in her forties and a total babe... a real one. That's HOT (Yes. We're talking to you Heather Locklear & Marcia Cross).

And we'd also like to say that we cannot wait to see Riley get her rack out. Bring on Tuesday!

"One bad ad can ruin your whole day"

We're really sorry for the delay in getting our 'commentary' of episode six to you. Please don't acquire a drinking problem/ fire us over it.

In the mean time, we wanted to bring you totally awesome footage of Jo Reynolds on Melrose, but apparently the producers still don't seem to get that we only watch this show for the original cast members, so they 'accidentally omitted' Jo from the episode 7 preview. Now, that is a reason to fire someone from D&D if you ask us... So, until people rectify the situation, here's a promotional still of Jo being all photographer-esque.

Apropos of nothing: Jo pings E's gaydar in this pic. Anyone else?

Rack of....Riley?!

With all our chat here about Riley's mega rack, I couldn't NOT post this image of Riley's mega rack in all it's glory. Here's hoping it comes back out to visit next episode!

WATCHING EPISODE FIVE...

A: Ella isn't a pretty fake crier.

E: Ella's acting = shit. Syd = hot.

A: What is Syd doing for work these days?

E: Shagging.

A: Is Syd a talent agent?

E: Syd's an art maven. I wonder if she likes Damien Hirst....

A: She needs a pair of black rimmed glasses

E: Yes Please. Tina Fey glasses.

A: Insert missing theme song here.

A: has the bathroom moved again?

A: way sick....that hat is way sick

E: He looks like Pete Doherty

A: Minus the drugs

E: Violet and her goth eyes are trying to act

A: Not tooo bad at the moment. Maybe she's learning...

E: SYD!!!

A: Bitchy Syd!

E: Her outfit is awesome.

A: Freaking hot.btw I love that Syd has ANOTHER 'job' to add her resume.

E: "Look who's grown out of her Uggs and into her Manolos."

A: Bad manolos

A: oooh!

A: "Are you off to sign a client, or just have sex with one?"

E: That was a quality smackdown

A: LINE OF THE SERIES!

E: Sandra O and Riley bore me to sobs.

A: I think Riley heard us talking about her rack as it's well hidden.

A: I think she just poured herself an orange juice and forgot the vodka

E: Maybe not so much with the bartending?

E: Nicky Blume... couldn't they have thought of a better porn star name?

A: Yeah...something like Busty LaRoux

E: ok... Jonah's car = Billy's right?

A: Jonah's acting = Billy's yes?

A: Sandra Oh is hookering

E: um... isn't that the cop dude?

A: a whore who kisses?

E: She really did fail those classes.

A: come on Wendy...train your girls!

E: Shake yo booty Sandra O.

A: Move those lady lumps.

E: Cop's gonna teach her how to dance.

A: He's a stripper by night.

E: Or a pimp

A: Ahh Some slow motion and shes picked it up!

E: This is boring. Where's Michael?

A: Sandra O just looked latino.

E: She did.

A: ... and not satisfied.

A: Sydney is never bored

E: "I'm still angry."

A: Of course Syd is angry...there's no olive in her drink.

E: Dear God she's gorgeous... and needs a golden globe nomination.

A: Ideally a win.

E: She acts EVERYONE on this show off screen.

A: Why is Ella dressed for open heart surgery?

E: Also, why is her crotch an accessory?

A: It came with the clutch.

A: By the way - where is our fave new landlord?

E: Jane?

A: Yeah

E: I'm guessing she got stuck in her walk-in-wardrobe...

A: cue extravagant party

E: Perhaps when they're wasted they'll be less dull....

E: Jonah's been wanking off to CSI one too many times

A: I was thinking he was more a "Weeds" boy.

E: Umm since when is burglarized a word? It's burgled you twats!

A: Next they'll be saying ironical.

E: And nukular.

E: "Sorry I missed our shopping date. A cop's boner came up."

E: Ella's hair is channeling Rachel from friends.

A: umm.. should I know him?

E: Oh. he's the dude she fucked.

A: He killed Syd?

E: That's so lame.

E: I want an entire flashback episode.

A: I think we need one.

E: The 1.0 baddies were so much better.

A: Just not Betsy...she was eww.

A: Sandra O is swimming.

E: Riley and her rack are going jogging.

A: Everyone is so active.

A: Aww wet girl hug!

E: Now even Jonah's wardrobe is channeling Biwwy's

A: That's terrible! Not even a golfer would wear it and those are golf shorts!

E: "Stick with the rom-coms." Who writes this shit?

E: Kimber calling...

A: Jesus Kimber...BOOBS

E: "Hello doctor, I heard you enjoyed your patient."

A: Poor Sandra...way too stretched....studies, doctoring, bridesmaiding, whoreing...where will she find the time?

E: She'll recruit Violet in good time.

E: so... umm.. that episode was kind of so so. The Syd parts were awesome...

A: Kimber's boobs and hair were fabulous

E: Everything else sucked....

A: Especially Jonah's hat.

... and that's all for now. Until next week...

much love,

A&E.